People aren’t talking about it, but everybody’s doing it. Farting. So you’ve recently started seeing someone and maybe you’re not at the dutch oven stage yet, how do you go about secretly tooting away? Good news! You’re in luck. Here are some undercover strategies to get your fart on.
The Restroom Rescue
This move is where you tell your significant other that you “have to use the restroom to pee.” But what you’re actually doing is buying yourself a solid few minutes to toot toot toot. Sure, he or she may think you have a bladder problem, but better that than a farting problem.
The Walk n’ Toot
Based on some very scientific personal experience, this little maneuver works wonders. It’s perfect because while your lover is walking beside you, he or she has no idea what’s occurring behind you. The only true victims are the nameless people following your steps, and I mean, are you ever going to see those people again? NO, so rip away. If this move doesn’t suit your fancy, try the “twirl n’ toot.” A friend of mine (that shall remain anonymous) swears by this move. Same idea as the “walk n’ toot,” only with a twist!
The Silent (But Deadly) Sleeper
This one works best when you’re with a boyfriend that knocks out fast and sleeps hard. After his head hits the pillow, it’s your chance to shine. This one is a favorite of mine because you both wake up in the morning as if nothing happened. Little does he know you were letting out some fabulous farts all night long. With this strategy, you will wake up gas free, while still maintaining your dignity. It’s a win, win!